Essay: Questioning your Friend may Cause Conflict and unnecessary Tension

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Understanding Right Question:

Right questions in the wrong way can also lead to unnecessary and sometimes catastrophic stress. It is better to ask your mother, sister or friend a question, instead of demanding an answer. In most cases, people love "answers" and hate "questions."

Misunderstanding Causes trouble:

When offering my friend her question, instead of a answer, I offered an invitation to join me in my project. I let him know, in an assertive way, that he could stay as long as he wanted. The invitation was clear and had a lot of control. By offering the question instead of an invitation, I allowed him to leave at any time, and without giving any reason, besides the fact that he had chose to leave. Asking a question lets you get your own information without giving any information to your friend.

Right or wrong:

Questioning your ideas of right and wrong causes unnecessary tension. Instead of asking your friend to forgive you, why not suggest ways of dealing with their mistake? This way you both get something out of the experience.

Questioning Unnecessary Leads to Betrayal:

Questioning your friend leads to feelings of betrayal. When someone does something wrong, and you stay friends anyway, your friend may betray you. You are both creating a story in your mind and your mind is in the control of their wrong doing. What you do not understand is that your mind is controlled by their stories. You may as well tell them what they want to hear because it will make you feel better.

Try to Control which is under your control:

When you have a conflict with someone, you can control the outcome by your action. Do you stand your ground, or back down? Do you forgive or just try to win? These choices affect how you feel in a conflict.

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When you try to control the conflict, it may result in anger and hurt. Do you walk away feeling better, or do you stay and make the other person feel bad? There is no victory in a conflict. No one wins. Both parties lose.

Deal Intelligently:

When you allow your thoughts to run wild, you may be happier if you wrote them down. The thoughts may be helpful to you in dealing with the conflict. If you cannot let go of your hurt and anger, counseling or a talk with your friend may be able to help.

How do you manage your emotions in a conflict? Please share your tips below.